Balance isn’t perfection, it’s priorities.
When I first decided to balance my life I pictured a clean house and happy kids. My husband and I would both be able to work full time and have a beautiful homestead. I could provide healthy, from scratch meals all while peaceful parenting. All while not losing ourselves in the process.
The Truth:
The hard truth of the last year: that life doesn’t exist. I shouldn’t say it DOESN’T exist. It can exist sometimes. But the key is- it can’t exist like that every day. Life doesn’t always follow the routines and guidelines no matter how much my OCD brain tries to force it to happen. The reality is- sometimes the washing machine gets stuck on cycle all day and your clothes never finished. Sometimes everyone is too busy or too tired and we eat frozen chicken nuggets for dinner. And sometimes you are up all night with the stomach bug tearing through your house.
Chasing balance means chasing perfection- something my OCD feeds off of. And when I don’t reach that perfection, it’s easy to feel like a failure. Failure at work, failure at parenting- you name it. When I stepped away from this blog for awhile to focus on work and the kids I even felt like a failure there- and this is a HOBBY. That is how quickly my OCD can latch on to a routine and demand my attention.
Progress > Perfection
In the past year I have learned that it isn’t balance I seek or perfection that I should be striving for- at least not in every day. Instead I am focusing on improving and bringing my best. My “A- game” as my 5 year old son would call it. And that might look different every single day.
Replacing “balance” and “perfection” with
- Priorities: Taking some time at the beginning of each month, week and day to prioritize what needs to happen on that day and where I need my energy to go. I used to think of this in terms of a to-do list but parenting isn’t something you can just check off. So where do I want my work energy to go today? Where do I want my parenting efforts to go? If I could only focus on one area today (work, motherhood, myself, or the homestead) which would it be?
- Flexibility: This is a hard lesson for me and one I am constantly working on. Life throws curveballs all the time and you have to bed with the punches. I can prioritize what needs to happen this week on Sunday and by Wednesday that has gone out the window. Being able to adjust and pivot is the key to finding balance
- Systems: We all know I love my routines. But having systems and routines in place can help take the thinking out of the basics of parenting. Let’s face it- 5 kids is pure chaos nearly all the time. But all 5 of them at least have some sense of the routine and flow of our days and they are learning how to help. If everyone knows their specific roles in the after dinner/shower/bedtime chaos- it can help make that entire thing go faster (if not less chaotic). Building habits and forming routines are something I have always been good at and these carry me through when life does throw those curveballs.
- Peace: Another one I am still working towards. Accepting the changes, accepting the priorities, accepting the imperfections, and being satisfied with your day anyway. If you spend all your life striving to reach an idealistic goal you miss the moments of happiness right around you.
- Support: Reach out for help. Tell your spouse when you are overwhelmed, call a friend to vent, send your kids out on a play date so you can do some uninterrupted cleaning. I focused on support most in the year I have been away. In reaching out I finally realized my level of anxiety and stress wasn’t normal and had crossed a line. In doing so we discovered my OCD and I can now work towards decreasing that and enjoying the moments a bit more.
Trial by Fire
I often have to learn things the hard way. I’ve been practicing “prioritize not perfection” a lot in this past month as I recover from hip surgery that has made it so I use crutches to walk. Although I can move myself around- I can’t always carry everything I need, I haven’t been able to pick things up or move them, and I am dependent on other people.
A lot of my life has tipped out of balance. I can’t work out, I can’t do my chicken chores or bake bread easily, I can’t go to work so I am teleworking, and I can’t drive my kids to school. I have a cleaning routine for our house but I can’t even do most of the chores on it.
I was forced to rely on support from my parents and my husband. Forced to be flexible and accept that things might not get done on time- or at all. Forced to change my routines, and accept those changes. But I haven’t wasted this time- instead I am practicing finding peace, being flexible, appreciating my support system and relying on the systems in place to get us through each day.
Rest and Recover
By taking a moment to focus on the priorities for the day/ week I am still able to accomplish what I can while also learning the value of rest. It is absolutely amazing how drained I get from simple tasks when my body is recovering from surgery!
Remember: progress is better than perfection. It is better to be aiming to improve and giving your best than to nail it perfectly every time. Don’t get so caught up in the peak that you don’t enjoy the view during the climb. Some days you will be on your “A- game” and somedays you just won’t. Instead of striving for perfection, take a moment to think of your priorities for that day and strive for that. When you take it day by day and week by week you soon realize months have gone by and guess what- that’s when you see the balance you were searching for all along.
